Lupus inspires me to be less of a b****

Or does it? You see, it's just that when you go off on a raving mad streak with Lupus, you realize that in addition to being a b**** sometimes, you're also a bit of a drama queen. Lupus has a way of making other problems seem insignificant. Then again, the mood that being this sick puts you in can also make you quite hostile. This all prompts you to rethink your behavior and try like crazy to come out on the nice side of things.

Hopefully, that is. It's all a bit confusing for sure.

I've had some bad luck and demeaning people in my life. Well, OK, I've had more than a little of both. So much so, that I have gotten in the unfortunate habit of holding my feelings in while quietly suffering, then letting it out with a bang. Therefore, I alternate between being the nicest person on the face of the earth and being a complete and total jerk.

But then, Lupus comes into the picture. That empathy that I wrote about Lupus giving me, well, it's inspired me to cut down on those scary episodes. It's taught me to tell people exactly how I feel. Which admittedly sometimes turns into another episode. Hey, it's a journey. I'm trying.

Anyway, I've come to this realization lately, that I can be very critical of people. Oh, you already knew that? I'm not surprised. I can be pretty opinionated. But I'm starting to understand that I don't need to hurt people, even if they hurt me.

Because, guess what? Not everyone has a chronic illness. Not everyone has been abused or cheated on or lied to. But we all have our struggles. Pain is not a contest. There's no way to measure and compare each other's suffering. We've all got problems. They all make us miserable.

So why not just be nice to people? Why not try to understand them? Why not go the extra mile even if they're not doing anything to deserve it? You never know what someone is feeling or what they are going through. And by the way, we all deserve a kind word. We all deserve a smile or a hug or at least to be left alone in times of crisis.

So thanks Lupus. Thanks for encouraging me to say what I feel in a gentler way, rather than holding it in until it bursts forth in a spew of obscenities and other nonsense. Or at least, that's the idea. Wish me luck. It's going to be a long road.