Lupus has taught me to multitask like a boss

Thanks to Lupus, I can juggle whatever is thrown at me!

Well, you know. Example is the best teacher. And Lupus is one bad-ass multitasker. Oh ya. Lupus can simultaneously attack every inch of your body and every system, organ, blood cell, muscles, joint and bone in it. Don't ever get in a fight with Lupus. It's better to love, respect and emulate Lupus. Because she will make you her bitch if you let her.

Or, you can learn to be just as strong as she is. You can multitask right back at her. That's what I do. Bring it on, Lupus. I've got this covered. I can be a bad-ass too!

I can climb stairs with two loads of laundry, no laundry basket in sight and pains shooting up and down my legs like the fires of hell. Seriously, Lupus, are you threatening to break my back in two? Ya, well, dish it, Lupus. I can take it and then some.

I can make breakfast while simultaneously clutching the kitchen counters to keep myself from falling if I should pass out. Need a packed lunch and a pot of coffee too? No problem. I can even do it while whistling a tune if need be. No sense in making everyone else miserable after all.

I can carry on a lively conversation and nobody knows I have bile rising up in my throat and a migraine the size of Texas. They never will know it either because I don't want my day to bring their day down to Lupus level.

You need a ride? No problem. I'll take you anywhere you need to go even if I was worshiping the porcelain god all night long and only got an hour of sleep. I don't want you to have to take the bus, after all. What's more, I'll do it with a smile, singing to the tune of whatever music you choose, even if I have to grit my teeth from the pain the whole way.

Need an ear or a shoulder or just to know someone cares about your accomplishments? Here I am. Never-mind that while we're talking, I really do have ten other things I should be and am doing. Forget that my hands are throbbing and my day was filled with agonizing pain. I want to hear about your day because I care about you. Life is short and I want to spend all the time I can with the people I love.

Screw the pain. I want to focus on happy.

It sounds bad, doesn't it? Well, it is. But it's beautiful too. Thanks to Lupus, I have the strength to deal with just about anything that comes my way. Yup. If I can handle living with Lupus, I can handle anything, even the perfect storm. Lupus is one scary roller coaster riding bitch but I have her to thank for teaching me that all things are possible. Yes, even when they all come flying at me simultaneously.

So thanks, Lupus, for all the multitasking you throw my way. Thanks to you, I can throw that shit right back 'atcha and move on to the next challenge. I am Lupus strong!

Found that Margarita freeze-pop again. Thanks, Lupus?

Ha ha I remember when I wrote this random bit in the quotes below. It seems like so long ago. And you know what? That freeze-pop is still there. I found it again just the other day. Seriously, I am so not a drinker. Still, I do miss being able to drink if I wanted to. It's about the freedom, you know? On the other hand, Lupus is pretty useful in that department. Because even if I did want to drink, my meds would tell me no.

And here it is.... or was.... Whatever.

08/21/13 (Hey, that WAS a long time ago!)

“Guess what I found when I cleaned out the freezer today? Oh, Ya. I found a margarita freeze-pop. That's been in there for who knows how long. Not sure if it's still good. I think we got it for free at some event a while back. Like, a long while back. I also found a bottle of Bailey’s and another tiny sample bottle of Bailey's.

Now, don't worry, I'm no alcoholic. Well, obviously, or I would have known they were there.

But hey, you take your rewards where you can get them. I guess my reward for cleaning the freezer today was a hidden supply of girly type alcohol. Hey, I'm in luck, because, guess what? I'm a girl! Yay me! 

But, boo! Because I can't drink with my meds. Wait, maybe next time I forget to pick up my Prednisone, I'll have a back-up plan. Can you see me scheming and rubbing my hands together?”

So, times change and now I don't drink. Like, at all. Oh, it's OK if you do. It's just not for me. I've recently realized that even if I could drink now, I really have no interest in it. I had my time to be young and foolish. I used it well. Now I'm on to bigger and better things. I just love the way Lupus has of reminding me I'm on the right track.

So, Bye bye, Margarita freeze-pop, see you later. That's see, not touch. And thanks again, Lupus. Because of you I'm not drinking. Or even eating Margarita freeze-pops. Not that I would have anyway. LOL

Love for others with Lupus

Lupus is named for the wolf. Those who have it are just as strong. They have to be.

I'm not the only one with Lupus, you know? I do talk about it a lot. Still, there are so many people out there suffering from this crazy, unpredictable disease. It's tragic to say the very least. However, it can also be inspiring. Plus, I get tons of support from my fellow “Lupies” on a daily basis. After all, no one understands chronic illness like those who have it.

I don't have any resentment toward healthy people. In fact, it's just the opposite. I'm so glad to see other people living happy, healthy lives. It gives me great joy. It's just that when it comes to having someone to talk to about my health struggles, nothing beats someone who has been there and done that.

Other Lupies don't suggest unsolicited “cures” or pain solutions. They know Lupus is a permanent condition that's not going away. They just listen and empathize. Which is exactly what I need most of the time. And if I do need advice, they know how to give it without being pushy.

Other Lupies also understand when I'm too tired to do anything but sit and type. They know I'm not lazy because I don't have a “real” job. They understand that writing is my way of continuing to contribute to my household, even if I don't feel so good and never become a big writing superstar. They also get that writing isn't all I do around the house.

I really appreciate my fellow Lupies in another way too. I find them inspiring. In fact, I find anyone with chronic illness inspiring. This world is hard enough on healthy people. Getting through it with style when sick is even more difficult.

Yes, from pain to limited mobility to digestive issues to skin rashes to any one of 25 other crazy symptoms, my fellow Lupies triumph daily over this horrendous illness. I find them amazing. Plus, so many of them are so much sicker than I am. Which makes me believe I can kick this thing with a smile on my face just like they do every day.

So, thanks Lupus, for helping me find so many new, inspiring supportive friends. It's truly one of the best things about this disease.

Laughing my butt off at Lupus!

Yesterday, my grand-daughter shared the above cartoon on Facebook. I laughed and laughed and laughed before it occurred to me that some people might very likely find it offensive. Not me, though. You see, I laugh my butt off at Lupus every single day. I can't help it. Some of my struggles are simply hilarious.

For instance, there was my jegging adventure. I thought they might have a slimming effect on my swollen legs. They did. They also went right on, smooth as silk. Unfortunately, trying to remove jeggings is not as easy as getting them on when you have physical limitations. They got stuck around my ankles and would not budge an inch. I had to hop my crippled self to the nearest chair to remove them. That isn't all. I was having a bad hand coordination day too. My fingers were not working at all. I finally managed to work a loose section off each foot, step on it and pull up with my legs as hard as I could to get them off. Even then, it took several tries. No more jeggings for me. What a hoot!

Gardening with Lupus has provided me with many laughs. One day, I fell face first over a garden bed. It hurt like holy hell. I was stunned, to put it mildly. It was the first time I'd ever fallen since being struck with Lupus. I quickly realized that I was not getting up anytime soon, at least without taking a breather. Still, I managed to get a chuckle out of it. You see, I water the garden in the early morning in my nightgown sometimes to save time. So, I was lying there all sprawled out in my nightgown, soaking wet and muddy with the hose running on me. I felt like a crippled mud wrestler. I also couldn't help thinking about that commercial with the elderly women where she has fallen and can't get up. So, I texted that phrase to the boyfriend, explaining my predicament. Of course he expressed concern when he called me back. But as soon as he realized I was OK, we had a great laugh together.

I can't tell you how many times my “Lupus brain” as I call it has given me fits of the giggles. I'm a fairly intelligent person so when one of my old Lupus meds left me hanging in the memory department, I knew it was time to change meds. The final straw came about one day when I asked my grand-daughter the same simple question three times in a row. Her response? “Grandma, your Lupus brain is working overtime again.” Needless to say, I went off the medication that was doing that. But hey, it's all water under the bridge. Can't go back in time and not take it, right? And it was at least good for a chuckle.

With Lupus, I try to find both the humor and the good in every situation. For instance, when I can't sleep at night and spend the day napping, I just say to myself, “Hey, at least it got me out of the housework for a day!” Or when my digestive system “cleans” itself out for a few days in a row, I say, “Hey, I guess I don't have to buy those expensive cleansing herbs!”

You know what's the best thing about laughing at Lupus or myself, though? It's contagious. And if there's one thing my family needs with all our crazy struggles, it's a sense of humor. The other day, for instance, my boyfriend and I were watching the old X-Files TV series. They were studying a line drawing of Big Foot. No details. Just the outline. Without even thinking, my boyfriend blurts out, “Hey, look! It's me, naked!” (He's been trying to lose a few pounds and seriously, he doesn't look like naked Big Foot, really.) We both just burst out laughing. Nobody was offended or embarrassed and he's certainly got a healthy self image but that was funny, dammit!

Folks, it's OK to laugh at our own humanity. It's OK to get a kick out of our personal flaws (Which aren't really flaws, by the way. They're just a part of who we are.) And frankly, if who I am ever becomes a cold bitch with no sense of humor who's afraid to laugh at herself, well, never-mind that thought. Because I would never be that person. That's right. I hope I'm laughing my butt off at Lupus until the day it kills me. And if it doesn't kill me and something else beats it to the punch, well, the irony will have me smiling as I breathe my last breath.

There's no time for pettiness with Lupus

One of the more recent things that I've learned with Lupus and growing older it's that being petty or trying to understand other people's pettiness is a huge waste of time. Lupies tend to focus on things that matter, you know. I get that life is short because for me, there really are no guarantees. So, it really does get to me when people pick, pick, pick at inconsequential details. Even when it's me doing the picking.

It's hard for me keep my cool, but I know that I must for the sake of making my relationships count too.

For instance, this started out as a rant for another blog, but I'm trying to be more positive now, so let's see if I can turn it into love for Lupus. Turning negative to positive is, after all, one of my biggest goals these days. But let's get on with it....

“Who ate the last of my cereal? Somebody left the door open. Why can't people put the remote back where it belongs? I don't need you telling me what to do. Stop looking over my shoulder. I didn't do that, he/she did. ”

These are all things that I've heard in the last few months from people in my life or on social networking sites or in the comment sections of my articles.

I get it. Other people's struggles are every bit as important as mine, no matter how small they may seem to me. It's not a contest. Everyone feels bad sometimes. We're all human. It's just that, with Lupus, I'm trying to move past that type of thing and I'm so very grateful that I have been handed a wake up call. It makes my life so much easier when I just focus on what matters in the long term.

It helps me with my own struggles. For instance, today, I'm sitting in my chair writing, trying to earn a few bucks because I can't work a regular job. I was up all night with acid re-flux. My legs have pains shooting up and down them like overzealous stars. But guess what? I'm still also going to do tons of housework, run errands and such all day feeling like this. Because all that doesn't matter. I still have to live my life! And I will try like holy hell to do it with a smile. Because those struggles mean that I'm still alive and that's awesome!

People wonder how I accomplish so much, but honestly, it's just not all that complicated or all that noble. The reason I'm able to do so much is pretty simple. It's because I let the small stuff go so I have time for the big stuff.

For instance, I don't spend hours moaning about my lost shoe or who ate the last of the pickles. I just don't have time for it. Lupus has adjusted my priorities. Plus, I'm just too damn old for that kind of thing.

I'm 56, not 25. I don't mean this in a rude way at all, but at this age and with Lupus kicking my ass, I've pretty much stopped worrying about other people's inconsequential crap. I'm too busy getting my own shit together. I don't have time to worry about other people's problems. Oh, I'll help those who need it. I just don't feel that it's up to me to fight their battles for them.

In other words, and I mean this in the nicest way possible, I'm not here to check their behavior or solve their problems. I'm also not a jealous freak or a busy-body. If they're doing something wrong, that's on them. If they choose to do me or someone else wrong in some way, it's not my problem. It's theirs. I have my own stupid mistakes to deal with. I'm not perfect either.

I have a chronic illness destroying me from the inside out. I don't have the time or energy to check up on other people. I have no interest in controlling anyone else's life. I need both hands on the wheel of mine. And Lupus will check me if I forget that.

Point is, when I encounter pettiness, whether it comes from me or someone else, Lupus lets me know that I have no time for it. I have no time to be angry about it either. It reminds me that I have real concerns to address. It keeps me focused on staying alive and finding a solution that will enable me to live a longer, healthier life.

In other words, Lupus makes certain that I mind my own business and focus on what's important. Plus, I love my peeps. I come in peace. So, please put away your claws. I have more important things to deal with. Like staying alive.

And thanks, Lupus for teaching me that pettiness is trivial in myself as well as in others!

Lupus says when, not if

It's partially the time thing again. Who knows how much time I have with Lupus staring me in the face? But it's much more than that. Yes, it's true that with Lupus, I have learned to say when, not if. Because there's a sense of urgency about my life now. But also, by getting in the habit of saying when, not if, I've learned a valuable lesson. We should all be doing it.

When I started using when instead of if, some great things happened. For instance, I used to say, “If I start feeling better....” Now I say, “When I start feeling better....” And guess what? I actually am starting to feel better since I made that small change. Now, it wasn't the word choice that made me feel better. It was the determination and power over my destiny that choice of words gave me. But still, the words were the catalyst.

That small choice of words made me believe that I can get better. But not only that, it empowered me to do some research, find some solutions and make it happen. I have improved greatly since making that small change. I'm not delusional.

I know that Lupus is a long term illness. I just don't believe it's a good idea to think or speak as if I have no hope. So saying, thinking and even writing, “when I get better” instead of “if I get better” has made a world of difference in my attitude and therefore, the quality of my life.

Positive thinking is a powerful force. But sometimes it's not just about us. It's about the vibes we send out into the universe. We become what we project, absolutely. However, so do the people around us. When we're doubtful, it's contagious. When we're positive, that's contagious too. All the many electrical and chemical connections between us vibrate with whatever our output is.

Seriously now, have you ever known someone who talks constantly about how miserable their life is or how lucky everyone else is? They might speak of how bad things always seem to happen to them and they can't catch a break. Haven't you noticed that It's true? Have you also noticed how awful you feel after hanging out with them? They just exude negativity.

And by the same token, do you know someone who is a virtual fountain of happiness? They always seem to look on the bright side. They live on that bright side. They almost never say if. They almost always say when. They believe in themselves. They believe in the goodness of others. And good things just seem to come to them. Success is drawn to them like a magnet. They believe and project good. It's all around them. And when you're around them, you have a great time too.

What else? Well, saying “if” leaves a hint of doubt. It leaves a hole in our convictions. Things can sneak into that hole. Whereas, saying “when” tells our brain that this is going to happen. It leaves no room for doubt.

For instance, you could say to yourself, “If I ever become rich, I will use my excess wealth to help others.” Or, you could say , “When I become rich, I will use my excess wealth to help others.”

Which of the above statements gives you more power? Which statement encourages you to reach that goal? Which statement conveys the thought that you will be rich? Which conveys the thought that you might not ever be rich?

In other words, if you look at your goals as pipe dreams, they may not ever come to fruition. If you leave that window of doubt open, it's like saying, “Hey, come on in failure. Welcome home, I've been expecting you!”

On the other hand, if you look at your dreams as just a matter of when, you leave absolutely no room for failure to worm it's way into your hopes and dreams and defeat your purpose.

It may seem silly to you that just changing one word in a sentence can have such a powerful impact. But the thing is, it's not just about the word. It's about the conviction that comes with it. So, don't just say it. Believe it. Trust me. You'll be glad you did.

And by the way, thanks, Lupus, for teaching me to say when not if and to believe in positive manifestation!

Lupus has taught me to reach out

With Lupus, I'm really coming out of my shell.

I'm such a loner that it's almost laughable. I'm also more worried about what other people think than I should be. I have no self doubt. I like myself. I just worry that others may not feel the same way about me. I'm strong but very sensitive. I hate being misunderstood. And when I interact with other people, which isn't much, my feelings are easily hurt.

So now you know why I don't really reach out much. I've been hurt a lot due to being ultra-sensitive. I don't really care to ever be hurt again. But now, with Lupus, all that is changing. I'm realizing what it means to suffer and how badly people need other people when they're feeling depressed or in pain. So I've been reaching out to people a lot more than usual. I'm realizing that any discomfort I feel is worth making others feel that someone cares.

Chronic illness is no picnic. It's sobering and extremely painful, both mentally and physically. I want my friends with health issues to know they're appreciated and loved and thought of. Not only that, I want my friends without health issues to know the same. In fact, I want it so badly that I've been fighting my own fear of being rejected or misunderstood in order to make everyone I know feel a little less pain.

Why? Well it's good old empathy to the rescue again I guess. Being sick like this really makes you realize how important it is to conquer your shyness, get out there and give comfort to anyone who needs it. Because you know how badly they need it. You've been there. Maybe you're even there now, like me.

So thanks Lupus, for forcing me out of my shell. It was getting stuffy in there anyway.