It's hard for me keep my cool, but I
know that I must for the sake of making my relationships count too.
For instance, this started out as a
rant for another blog, but I'm trying to be more positive now, so
let's see if I can turn it into love for Lupus. Turning negative to
positive is, after all, one of my biggest goals these days. But let's
get on with it....
“Who ate the last of my cereal?
Somebody left the door open. Why can't people put the remote back
where it belongs? I don't need you telling me what to do. Stop
looking over my shoulder. I didn't do that, he/she did. ”
These are all things that I've heard in
the last few months from people in my life or on social networking
sites or in the comment sections of my articles.
I get it. Other people's struggles are
every bit as important as mine, no matter how small they may seem to
me. It's not a contest. Everyone feels bad sometimes. We're all
human. It's just that, with Lupus, I'm trying to move past that type
of thing and I'm so very grateful that I have been handed a wake up
call. It makes my life so much easier when I just focus on what
matters in the long term.
It helps me with my own struggles. For
instance, today, I'm sitting in my chair writing, trying to earn a
few bucks because I can't work a regular job. I was up all night with
acid re-flux. My legs have pains shooting up and down them like
overzealous stars. But guess what? I'm still also going to do tons of
housework, run errands and such all day feeling like this. Because
all that doesn't matter. I still have to live my life! And I will try
like holy hell to do it with a smile. Because those struggles mean
that I'm still alive and that's awesome!
People wonder how I accomplish so much,
but honestly, it's just not all that complicated or all that noble.
The reason I'm able to do so much is pretty simple. It's because I
let the small stuff go so I have time for the big stuff.
For instance, I don't spend hours
moaning about my lost shoe or who ate the last of the pickles. I just
don't have time for it. Lupus has adjusted my priorities. Plus, I'm
just too damn old for that kind of thing.
I'm 56, not 25. I don't mean this in a
rude way at all, but at this age and with Lupus kicking my ass, I've
pretty much stopped worrying about other people's inconsequential
crap. I'm too busy getting my own shit together. I don't have time to
worry about other people's problems. Oh, I'll help those who need it.
I just don't feel that it's up to me to fight their battles for them.
In other words, and I mean this in the
nicest way possible, I'm not here to check their behavior or solve
their problems. I'm also not a jealous freak or a busy-body. If
they're doing something wrong, that's on them. If they choose to do
me or someone else wrong in some way, it's not my problem. It's
theirs. I have my own stupid mistakes to deal with. I'm not perfect
either.
I have a chronic illness destroying me
from the inside out. I don't have the time or energy to check up on
other people. I have no interest in controlling anyone else's life. I
need both hands on the wheel of mine. And Lupus will check me if I
forget that.
Point is, when I encounter pettiness,
whether it comes from me or someone else, Lupus lets me know that I
have no time for it. I have no time to be angry about it either. It
reminds me that I have real concerns to address. It keeps me focused
on staying alive and finding a solution that will enable me to live a
longer, healthier life.
In other words, Lupus makes certain
that I mind my own business and focus on what's important. Plus, I
love my peeps. I come in peace. So, please put away your claws. I
have more important things to deal with. Like staying alive.
And thanks, Lupus for teaching me that
pettiness is trivial in myself as well as in others!
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