I know. Some of you socialites out
there might interpret this as a bad thing. Alone time might be lonely
time for you. For me, it's just the opposite. Due to my antisocial
nature, Lupus gives me the alone time I need to regenerate. It's
something that I never really got before I was sick.
You see, in addition to being
antisocial, I also feel other people's pain and suffering more deeply
than most people. Not bragging or complaining here. It just is what
it is, Which, of course, necessitates that my problem solving and
worrying extends to them. My over-thinking, over-analyzing brain
really gets a workout around other people.
So, when Lupus keeps me up all night, I
rejoice for the alone time. Not only that, I sleep most of the day
the next day. Which means I miss everyone else's struggles for a day.
Then, the next night, guess what? I'm not tired. I slept all day. So
again, I get a few extra hours of alone time while the rest of the
house is asleep.
I can't do housework or anything else
remotely responsible because I'd wake everyone up, so there's another
bonus. I get a break from being that person who takes care of
everything that no one else wants to do as well. Ahhh, alone time.
What a multi-faceted joy!
And it's OK, you guys. It really is.
Even if the reason that I'm up all night is pain. I have found that
if I focus on the benefits of Lupus, I'm a much happier person than
when I dwell on the bad stuff. I'm also, by getting the time I need
to rejuvenate, a lot easier to be around when I do have to socialize.
Guess what else? Being up all night
isn't the only way Lupus gives me alone time. You see, I pretty much
have to stay home. OK, so maybe it's because of a lot of extreme
unpleasantness, disgustingly horrid symptoms and the general personal
unreliability that Lupus causes. However, as I mentioned, I was way
too reliable before anyway.
So, while all the healthy people in the
house are off working or living their lives, I get to be alone. Oh,
by the way, don't stress about me. I have days where I feel well
enough to have fun too. But I never, ever have to go to work, unless
you count housework. So, I spend most of the day in forced
retirement.
And yes, I get bored and tired of being
so wracked with pain and so physically limited. Of course I do. But
like I said, the secret is to focus on the good things Lupus has
brought me. Like the ability to take it easy without guilt, when
absolutely necessary.
I'm working on not feeling guilty about
taking time off when I'm feeling well. That responsibility thing is
deeply ingrained in my soul. LOL
So, anyway.... Thanks, Lupus. For
giving me time to just be alone with my own thoughts and issues.
Because goodness knows, those are overwhelming enough without adding
anyone else's to the mix.
I never said, I was perfect. Just
grateful.
