There's no time for pettiness with Lupus

One of the more recent things that I've learned with Lupus and growing older it's that being petty or trying to understand other people's pettiness is a huge waste of time. Lupies tend to focus on things that matter, you know. I get that life is short because for me, there really are no guarantees. So, it really does get to me when people pick, pick, pick at inconsequential details. Even when it's me doing the picking.

It's hard for me keep my cool, but I know that I must for the sake of making my relationships count too.

For instance, this started out as a rant for another blog, but I'm trying to be more positive now, so let's see if I can turn it into love for Lupus. Turning negative to positive is, after all, one of my biggest goals these days. But let's get on with it....

“Who ate the last of my cereal? Somebody left the door open. Why can't people put the remote back where it belongs? I don't need you telling me what to do. Stop looking over my shoulder. I didn't do that, he/she did. ”

These are all things that I've heard in the last few months from people in my life or on social networking sites or in the comment sections of my articles.

I get it. Other people's struggles are every bit as important as mine, no matter how small they may seem to me. It's not a contest. Everyone feels bad sometimes. We're all human. It's just that, with Lupus, I'm trying to move past that type of thing and I'm so very grateful that I have been handed a wake up call. It makes my life so much easier when I just focus on what matters in the long term.

It helps me with my own struggles. For instance, today, I'm sitting in my chair writing, trying to earn a few bucks because I can't work a regular job. I was up all night with acid re-flux. My legs have pains shooting up and down them like overzealous stars. But guess what? I'm still also going to do tons of housework, run errands and such all day feeling like this. Because all that doesn't matter. I still have to live my life! And I will try like holy hell to do it with a smile. Because those struggles mean that I'm still alive and that's awesome!

People wonder how I accomplish so much, but honestly, it's just not all that complicated or all that noble. The reason I'm able to do so much is pretty simple. It's because I let the small stuff go so I have time for the big stuff.

For instance, I don't spend hours moaning about my lost shoe or who ate the last of the pickles. I just don't have time for it. Lupus has adjusted my priorities. Plus, I'm just too damn old for that kind of thing.

I'm 56, not 25. I don't mean this in a rude way at all, but at this age and with Lupus kicking my ass, I've pretty much stopped worrying about other people's inconsequential crap. I'm too busy getting my own shit together. I don't have time to worry about other people's problems. Oh, I'll help those who need it. I just don't feel that it's up to me to fight their battles for them.

In other words, and I mean this in the nicest way possible, I'm not here to check their behavior or solve their problems. I'm also not a jealous freak or a busy-body. If they're doing something wrong, that's on them. If they choose to do me or someone else wrong in some way, it's not my problem. It's theirs. I have my own stupid mistakes to deal with. I'm not perfect either.

I have a chronic illness destroying me from the inside out. I don't have the time or energy to check up on other people. I have no interest in controlling anyone else's life. I need both hands on the wheel of mine. And Lupus will check me if I forget that.

Point is, when I encounter pettiness, whether it comes from me or someone else, Lupus lets me know that I have no time for it. I have no time to be angry about it either. It reminds me that I have real concerns to address. It keeps me focused on staying alive and finding a solution that will enable me to live a longer, healthier life.

In other words, Lupus makes certain that I mind my own business and focus on what's important. Plus, I love my peeps. I come in peace. So, please put away your claws. I have more important things to deal with. Like staying alive.

And thanks, Lupus for teaching me that pettiness is trivial in myself as well as in others!

Lupus says when, not if

It's partially the time thing again. Who knows how much time I have with Lupus staring me in the face? But it's much more than that. Yes, it's true that with Lupus, I have learned to say when, not if. Because there's a sense of urgency about my life now. But also, by getting in the habit of saying when, not if, I've learned a valuable lesson. We should all be doing it.

When I started using when instead of if, some great things happened. For instance, I used to say, “If I start feeling better....” Now I say, “When I start feeling better....” And guess what? I actually am starting to feel better since I made that small change. Now, it wasn't the word choice that made me feel better. It was the determination and power over my destiny that choice of words gave me. But still, the words were the catalyst.

That small choice of words made me believe that I can get better. But not only that, it empowered me to do some research, find some solutions and make it happen. I have improved greatly since making that small change. I'm not delusional.

I know that Lupus is a long term illness. I just don't believe it's a good idea to think or speak as if I have no hope. So saying, thinking and even writing, “when I get better” instead of “if I get better” has made a world of difference in my attitude and therefore, the quality of my life.

Positive thinking is a powerful force. But sometimes it's not just about us. It's about the vibes we send out into the universe. We become what we project, absolutely. However, so do the people around us. When we're doubtful, it's contagious. When we're positive, that's contagious too. All the many electrical and chemical connections between us vibrate with whatever our output is.

Seriously now, have you ever known someone who talks constantly about how miserable their life is or how lucky everyone else is? They might speak of how bad things always seem to happen to them and they can't catch a break. Haven't you noticed that It's true? Have you also noticed how awful you feel after hanging out with them? They just exude negativity.

And by the same token, do you know someone who is a virtual fountain of happiness? They always seem to look on the bright side. They live on that bright side. They almost never say if. They almost always say when. They believe in themselves. They believe in the goodness of others. And good things just seem to come to them. Success is drawn to them like a magnet. They believe and project good. It's all around them. And when you're around them, you have a great time too.

What else? Well, saying “if” leaves a hint of doubt. It leaves a hole in our convictions. Things can sneak into that hole. Whereas, saying “when” tells our brain that this is going to happen. It leaves no room for doubt.

For instance, you could say to yourself, “If I ever become rich, I will use my excess wealth to help others.” Or, you could say , “When I become rich, I will use my excess wealth to help others.”

Which of the above statements gives you more power? Which statement encourages you to reach that goal? Which statement conveys the thought that you will be rich? Which conveys the thought that you might not ever be rich?

In other words, if you look at your goals as pipe dreams, they may not ever come to fruition. If you leave that window of doubt open, it's like saying, “Hey, come on in failure. Welcome home, I've been expecting you!”

On the other hand, if you look at your dreams as just a matter of when, you leave absolutely no room for failure to worm it's way into your hopes and dreams and defeat your purpose.

It may seem silly to you that just changing one word in a sentence can have such a powerful impact. But the thing is, it's not just about the word. It's about the conviction that comes with it. So, don't just say it. Believe it. Trust me. You'll be glad you did.

And by the way, thanks, Lupus, for teaching me to say when not if and to believe in positive manifestation!

Lupus has taught me to reach out

With Lupus, I'm really coming out of my shell.

I'm such a loner that it's almost laughable. I'm also more worried about what other people think than I should be. I have no self doubt. I like myself. I just worry that others may not feel the same way about me. I'm strong but very sensitive. I hate being misunderstood. And when I interact with other people, which isn't much, my feelings are easily hurt.

So now you know why I don't really reach out much. I've been hurt a lot due to being ultra-sensitive. I don't really care to ever be hurt again. But now, with Lupus, all that is changing. I'm realizing what it means to suffer and how badly people need other people when they're feeling depressed or in pain. So I've been reaching out to people a lot more than usual. I'm realizing that any discomfort I feel is worth making others feel that someone cares.

Chronic illness is no picnic. It's sobering and extremely painful, both mentally and physically. I want my friends with health issues to know they're appreciated and loved and thought of. Not only that, I want my friends without health issues to know the same. In fact, I want it so badly that I've been fighting my own fear of being rejected or misunderstood in order to make everyone I know feel a little less pain.

Why? Well it's good old empathy to the rescue again I guess. Being sick like this really makes you realize how important it is to conquer your shyness, get out there and give comfort to anyone who needs it. Because you know how badly they need it. You've been there. Maybe you're even there now, like me.

So thanks Lupus, for forcing me out of my shell. It was getting stuffy in there anyway.