Feeling bad for well people

I now have the time and freedom to just sit and admire the flowers in the backyard.

I'm not sure if this is just another stage of chronic illness awareness or what but lately, I've been grateful to Lupus for the fact that I don't lead a normal life anymore. Isn't that crazy? Well, maybe not so much as you might think.

You see, I spend a little time each day thinking about the things other people do on a daily basis. Oh, how glad I am that I don't have to do them any more. I know what you're thinking. Yes, there are a lot of things “normal” people do that I wish I still could. So, there is that. I'm not climbing any mountains these days, for sure. Ha!

But guess what? This illness also takes a lot of pressure off me. Now, I'm not lazy by a long shot. But I spent a lot of years running the rat maze and I'm exhausted, you guys. And yes, I pay a price for the time off. A huge price. It's no party trying to function every day when you feel this sick. It's like having the flu 24/7, this illness.

Still, I watch everyone around me and I'm grateful to be relieved of all that social pressure they go through. If I'm sicker than usual, there is no boss to call. I just spend the day in my recliner, trying to heal as best I can. I don't have to make any excuses.

People generally understand when I'm too sick for housework and they pitch in on “my” chores. If I'm really in bad shape, they even bring me water or whatever I need. I'm not used to being waited on. That used to be what I did for others. So, that part is hard for me. But I'm still grateful that someone is there to help, rather than me having to work through the pain.

Anyway, back to the subject at hand. You know, when I was well, living a normal life was extremely tiring for me. I'm an introvert and very much lacking in the social graces. So, honestly, there are times when I'm actually glad to be sick so I don't have to deal with all the anxiety and pressures of trying to fit in any more.

So ya, thanks Lupus. Thanks for allowing me a little time to just relax and do the things I love doing when I'm able. And granted, I'm not all that able. LOL For instance, today, I'm just sitting in my recliner because I can't stand. No way. But still, it's a reprieve from the rat race. And for that, I am eternally grateful.