Thanks for the alone time, Lupus

I know. Some of you socialites out there might interpret this as a bad thing. Alone time might be lonely time for you. For me, it's just the opposite. Due to my antisocial nature, Lupus gives me the alone time I need to regenerate. It's something that I never really got before I was sick.

You see, in addition to being antisocial, I also feel other people's pain and suffering more deeply than most people. Not bragging or complaining here. It just is what it is, Which, of course, necessitates that my problem solving and worrying extends to them. My over-thinking, over-analyzing brain really gets a workout around other people.

So, when Lupus keeps me up all night, I rejoice for the alone time. Not only that, I sleep most of the day the next day. Which means I miss everyone else's struggles for a day. Then, the next night, guess what? I'm not tired. I slept all day. So again, I get a few extra hours of alone time while the rest of the house is asleep.

I can't do housework or anything else remotely responsible because I'd wake everyone up, so there's another bonus. I get a break from being that person who takes care of everything that no one else wants to do as well. Ahhh, alone time. What a multi-faceted joy!

And it's OK, you guys. It really is. Even if the reason that I'm up all night is pain. I have found that if I focus on the benefits of Lupus, I'm a much happier person than when I dwell on the bad stuff. I'm also, by getting the time I need to rejuvenate, a lot easier to be around when I do have to socialize.

Guess what else? Being up all night isn't the only way Lupus gives me alone time. You see, I pretty much have to stay home. OK, so maybe it's because of a lot of extreme unpleasantness, disgustingly horrid symptoms and the general personal unreliability that Lupus causes. However, as I mentioned, I was way too reliable before anyway.

So, while all the healthy people in the house are off working or living their lives, I get to be alone. Oh, by the way, don't stress about me. I have days where I feel well enough to have fun too. But I never, ever have to go to work, unless you count housework. So, I spend most of the day in forced retirement.

And yes, I get bored and tired of being so wracked with pain and so physically limited. Of course I do. But like I said, the secret is to focus on the good things Lupus has brought me. Like the ability to take it easy without guilt, when absolutely necessary.

I'm working on not feeling guilty about taking time off when I'm feeling well. That responsibility thing is deeply ingrained in my soul. LOL

So, anyway.... Thanks, Lupus. For giving me time to just be alone with my own thoughts and issues. Because goodness knows, those are overwhelming enough without adding anyone else's to the mix.

I never said, I was perfect. Just grateful.