I always have meds when I need them

Don't worry, these are not mine. That's a lot of meds, are you kidding me?

Ya, I know. Prescription meds have their bad side. And they can be abused. So don't worry, I don't abuse them. But they can also save your life or at least save you a trip to the ER, like they did me last night. You guys, I have no idea what I did but Oh my, ouch!

My left lower shoulder blade was so bad last night that my daughter texted me from the basement to see if I thought I needed a doctor. Apparently, she could hear my moaning and groaning mixed with the occasional outburst of, “holy f*** this hurts, please make it stop!” from all the way downstairs.

Now, usually, I am very quiet about the pain because I don't want to be that complaining whiner that never shuts up about how sick she is. You know? But last night was a doozie. It was beyond the grin and bear it point. Like, way beyond. Like, right about at the “Crap, maybe I DO need a doctor” realization.

But thanks to Lupus, I was able to take some of the extra prednisone I have for just such emergencies and knock that pain out of the ballpark. Well, first I took a couple aspirin to see if that would help. It didn't. So, if not for the extra prednisone Lupus provides me with, via my rheumatologist, I probably would have had to go to the ER last night.

I also have on hand, several unexpired pain meds that have been prescribed to me from time to time. I rarely take them. I'm just not a dosing fool. Plus, I figure that since I'm already on a maintenance dose of prednisone, I shouldn't really be quick to add too much to the mix, if you know what I mean. Anyway, if I have a serious issue with pain, they are there if I need them, because I always fill them, even if I think I'm not going to take them. Hey, you never know when you'll be faced with a zombie apocalypse, right? Might as well be ready for anything.

Now, you might say that I shouldn't be thanking Lupus here, because Lupus is the reason for the pain in the first place. But you know, not all my pain is Lupus related. Some of it is from the rheumatoid and some of it is because I try to be this bad-ass that I'm not. In other words, I overdo it sometimes. No lectures please. I'm a do-er. That's who I am and it's not going to change. Plus, sometimes it's good for me. Staying active is vital to longevity when you have a chronic illness, or even when you don't.

And I do rest in between kicking to-do list butt. I promise. Ha!

So thanks Lupus, for giving me the power to stay out of the ER with surplus meds. Because who wants to run to the ER every time they have an ache or even an extremely painful explosion of epic proportions? Not me.

Lupus let's me be sick anywhere

With Lupus, I'm sick wherever I go. Photo by Jeanne Frost (Jaipi Sixbear) all rights reserved.

Well, that's depressing, isn't it? No. No, not really. Let me start over, though. You see, with Lupus, I'm sick no matter where I go, what I do, who I'm with, etc. But hey, at least I have time off, right? At least I'm in what I like to call, “forced retirement.” Which means that unless I'm so sick that I have to sit in my recliner all day (which does happen quite a bit) well, I can do whatever I want.

Sort of. I mean, I'm no millionaire, for sure. And it might hurt me a little to do certain things. Others, I may not be able to do at all. Now, this is getting depressing again, so let me get to the point right now.

And the point is that I can be sick and home bound or I can be sick at the beach, in the mountains, at The Grand Canyon, where I hope to go soon or at The Great Sand Dunes, Mesa Verde or even on vacation back home with my family. So, why should I choose to be sick at home when I can get out there and see the world? And here's where the love for Lupus comes sneaking in.

Oh ya, I'm really sick. There is no way that I can be a reliable employee or even be reliable at writing, painting, photography or anything else that I enjoy. But what would I be doing right now if Lupus hadn't descended on my life like a dark cloud? I'd be working, of course, like everyone else in the world has to in order to survive. I wouldn't have a choice. I never did before, either. But now, thanks to my awesome boyfriend and Lupus, I can do the things I never had a chance to before.

Because I will be sick anywhere and no matter what I'm doing. I can't do anything about that. So, gosh darn it, I might as well do the things and go the places I want to. And yes, I'll still have the dizzy spells, the pain, the indigestion (to put it mildly) and all the other craptastic symptoms Lupus throws at me. But at least I'll be experiencing them in beautiful places doing beautiful things with my life, albeit, a bit slowly and with some limitations.

For instance, last year, I went back home to see my extended family. I always go on a boat tour while there and this trip was no exception. And sure, I wasn't feeling my best that day, because I never am. And sure, I fell asleep during the tour, but hey, it's OK. I got to spend some time with my family, even if I did fall asleep. Maybe it wasn't what most people would call “quality time” but it was precious to me. And I think I looked pretty in the pictures because I was happy. And I wouldn't have been there if not for Lupus. I would have been working.

Yes, Lupus makes me sick wherever I go. Still, thanks Lupus, for the freedom to be sick in wonderful places, doing wonderful things. There's always something to be grateful for. Always.